Puberty Love
by American Dental Association
Summary: It's got Rick Moranis, evil transsexuals, strange George-Bush-esque rodents, a Hobbit Baby of Death, and Marvin the Paranoid Android in drag! What more could you possibly want?
1. Good God, the MADNESS HAS BEGUN!!!

**********  
  
Puberty Love  
  
An Epic Novel "By" The American Dental Association  
  
Oh yeah.  
  
Author's Note: The story… isn't ours. We used the handy dandy Find Replace feature in Microsoft Word to make it better. Yes, we shamelessly ripped off a friend's story and added ourselves, characters from disturbing movies, and some people from shows we saw once at 3:30 in the morning instead of her characters/Sailor Scouts/Gundam Pilots.  
  
And oh boy, is it more entertaining.  
  
But, how can we ever repay her for allowing us to use this? Wait… she didn't. Hope she doesn't find out.  
  
But here's the link to the original fic: http://fanfiction.net/read.php?storyid=171007  
  
Go read it… just don't tell her about this.  
  
**********  
  
  
  
Part ONE  
  
"OMAE O KOROSU, Kronkkkkkk!!!"  
  
"Ahahahaha! Nya nya, ya missed me!"  
  
Three doors opened and three heads popped out as Kronk and GP the guinea pig raced down the hallway, the latter aiming his gun at the former and screaming at the top of his lungs, "Kill Kronk, kill Kronk, MUST KILL KRONKOO!!"  
  
Katie, Hammie the hamster, and Emilee all exchanged looks, then shook their heads and retreated back to their beds as the two disappeared down the hall.  
  
***  
  
The wall, Wufei, and Largo all sat in the living room when Kronk came streaking down the stairs and disappearing into one of the kitchen doors. GP appeared an instant later, glancing around  
  
the room.  
  
As he approached the couch, Kronk appeared from the far kitchen door and inched towards the stair. At the last second, when it seemed like he appeared to have reached the first step, GP whipped around and let loose a bullet, embedding the bit of metal in the wallpaper.  
  
Kronk, shrieking with giddy laughter, bounded up the stairs, being followed by a still-chanting GP, "Must kill Kronk, must kill Kronk, must kill Kronk!"  
  
Wufei, The wall, and Largo watched this spectacle in silence, and, when the two had left, Largo started shouting, "Kill Kronk, Chibi Chibi Chibi, kill Kronk, Chibi Chibi Chibi, kill Kronk!"  
  
***  
  
Arthur Dent and Marvin smiled as they watched Rick Moranis bounce The Hobbit Baby Of Death on his knee, though Archibald Asparagus looked far from happy. Arthur went over to "her" husband and baby daughter, but no sooner had "she" sat down when there was a yell, and  
  
Kronk and GP came racing in and circled the room twice (GP was still screaming "Must kill Kronk, must kill Kronk!"), then disappeared out the door.  
  
Everyone watched silently, even little Hobbit Baby Of Death. Then Arthur smiled.  
  
"Looks like another peaceful day at the Weiner Mansion!"  
  
Everyone laughed, then Rick, Arthur, and Marvin began to coo and fuss over The Hobbit Baby Of  
  
Death, while Archibald stared stonily out the third story window.  
  
***  
  
"Come here The Hobbit Baby Of Death, come to Mommy!" Arthur said happily, coaxing the small child to walk three feet from her father to her "mother".  
  
The child took several hesitant steps from Rick's supporting hands, then toddled over to the  
  
"woman", falling into her "mother's" hands. Rick and Arthur cooed sweetly to the  
  
baby.  
  
Katie, wearing a short white cotton strap dress around her presently adult body, sneered and spat. "Feh, spoiled child."  
  
Unfortunately, Arthur heard, then handed the Hobbit Baby Of Death to Rick. "She" stalked over  
  
to the tree where Katie was perched, hands on "her" hips. "What did you call your baby sister?"  
  
"A spoiled child. And she's NOT a baby anymore, so stop showering her with all that sickening sweetness."  
  
That pissed Arthur off.  
  
"That's it. Young lady, get your butt down here now."  
  
"No."  
  
A dangerous looked formed in Arthur's gaze. "What... did you say?"  
  
"I. Said. NO!"  
  
"Don't Panic Planet Power, Make UP!"  
  
GP, Rick, Kronk, the wall, Wufei, Archibald, Marvin, Emilee, and Hammie watched in terror as the "woman" transformed. She raised her hands into the air, and at the word "Ham Sandwich," a giant slab of ham formed.  
  
"Now, would you care to come down on your own, or shall I help you?" Sailor Don't Panic asked, voice like biting ice.  
  
"Thhhbbbbtttt!!!"  
  
"Ham Sandwich of love!!!"  
  
Katie leaped from the branch just as the ham pounded the tree with horrendous force, landing softly on her bare feet in the grass, thrusting her silver Star Wand in the air.  
  
"Fondue Star Power, Make UP!"  
  
Now there were two Senshi, Fondue and Don't Panic. Don't Panic held out "her" hand, and the Ultimate Sandwich Blade appeared. Fondue held out hers, and her Fondue Steaming Pot sparkled into existence.  
  
"Sandwich..." Don't Panic called, holding the blade in front of "her", the face glowing.  
  
"Steaming cheese..." Fondue held the shining pot above her head, beams of light collecting at the pot.  
  
"Slice!!!"  
  
"EXPLOSION!!!"  
  
The two beams collided, pushing against the other. Both Fondue and Don't Panic began to strain under the pressure of the power being exerted from their weapons, and the others were afraid that they would either kill each other or themselves, but didn't dare to interfere.  
  
Finally, the energy depleted itself and both dissipated. Don't Panic collapsed, and a second later  
  
there was a whispered "owie,", and a real whisper. Looking up, "she" saw Marvin holding his staff and glaring at Fondue, who was lying on her side, pot embedded in the ground three feet away.  
  
Apparently, Fondue had tried to attack Don't Panic during "her" collapse, and Marvin had intervened.  
  
Marvin spun his Depression Stick, thumping it onto the ground. "How dare you attack one who is helpless, especially your 'mother'! Where is your honor?" he spat, glaring.  
  
"Marvin, Don't Panic, stop!" Archibald yelled.  
  
Slowly, Fondue sat up, shining briefly before collapsing, no longer in Senshi form. Archibald ran  
  
past a shocked Don't Panic and Marvin, kneeling beside Katie and helping her up, hugging her tightly. "Archibald Papa," Katie sobbed softly, clutching the  
  
asparagus.  
  
Archibald helped Katie limp away, rubbing her hair and trying to stop her crying. "Archibald," Marvin said, stopping suddenly when Archibald leveled his Asparagus  
  
Sword at the Senshi.  
  
"Back off, Marvin. You've done enough harm already," he glared.  
  
"Where is YOUR honor? Attacking one so many years younger than yourself while their back is turned? How could you?"  
  
Marvin opened her mouth to say something, then shut it and hung his head.  
  
A small black wombat with extremely large (larger than Largo's or the Hobbit Baby Of Death's) green eyes bounded into the grouping. It jumped onto the porch by Largo, sat down, and said...  
  
"Haknif…"  
  
Largo looked at it for a second, then grinned and said, "Chibi Chibi, haknif, Chibi Chibi, haknif," over and over.  
  
"Wolfwood, are you SURE we're lost?"  
  
"Dammit, weird bellbottoms guy, shut UP already! Of course we're..."  
  
Two men, one wearing an all black suit with cross cufflinks, blue eyes that were smoky, and short, shaggy black hair and carrying a cross wrapped in a canvas tied with belts was slung across his back, and the other man was wearing lavender bellbottoms. They walked into the yard from a group of trees.  
  
They looked at the group, and the group looked at them.  
  
Suddenly, the weird bellbottoms guy saw Katie's tear-streaked face (and her long, un-covered legs), then turned totally bishounen and bounded over to her and Archibald, snatching up the surprised woman's hand.  
  
"My fair maiden," he said with a debonair voice, "Why is your angelic face hidden behind such marks of sadness? And yet, the tears make you eyes sparkle like a rare gem in the starlit night." Katie immediately turned red with pleasure.  
  
Then he noticed Archibald. "Ah, but I see you are already in the company of another man. But, perhaps I may steal you away from him, and we shall ride into the eternal sunset. Please, fair maiden, marry me, and I shall be your humble servant of the mayfly known as love."  
  
The mecha pilots, Emilee, and Hammie stared, Katie turned beet red, Marvin and Archibald made choking noises, and Don't Panic had a conniption.  
  
"She" was up in the man's face, yelling, "Who the HELL do you think you are, proposing to my DAUGHTER?! Do you have any idea IDEA how much YOUNGER than you she IS?! AND YOU JUST MET HER!!"  
  
The man blinked rapidly. "Uuuh... they call me that weird bellbottoms guy."  
  
"Nicholas D. Wolfwood!" the other man waved cheerfully, lighting a crumpled cigarette.  
  
"... and by the looks of it, this young lady CAN'T be your daughter, because she looks my age, and that just so happens to be older than you my dear..." He looked "her" up and down, trying to figure out why she was wearing that silly costume.  
  
"Sailor Senshi," Hammie added helpfully.  
  
"...my dear Sailor Senshi." That weird bellbottoms guy said, grinning. Then he looked confused.  
  
"Uh... what's a Sailor Senshi?"  
  
The Senshi and mecha pilots all smacked their foreheads in unison, then Katie smiled. "Here, I'll  
  
show you!" She held up her wand, Archibald backing away.  
  
Don't Panic shrieked, "Katie, don't you even THINK about...", but it was too late.  
  
"Fondue Star Power Make UP!"  
  
In yet ANOTHER flash of sreaming silver light and gold ribbons, Sailor Fondue stood in her silver and gold suit, smiling cutely at a gaping weird bellbottoms guy.  
  
"Dammit, KatieO, I TOLD you," Don't Panic growled, coming up and trying to catch Fondue, but in a flash the Senshi was no longer an adult, but a six- year-old, and she shrieked and hid behind that weird bellbottoms guy's legs.  
  
"Now I'M the baby and you HAVE to love me as much as the Hobbit Baby Of Death!" she cried, sticking her tongue at Don't Panic and Rick, but she was near tears despite her scorning tone.  
  
Rick approached the two, carrying a sleeping Hobbit Baby Of Death. "But, KatieO -"  
  
"DON'T CALL ME THAT!" Chibi Fondue screamed (making everyone wince), and The Hobbit Baby Of Death awoke, crying loudly.  
  
Don't Panic and Rick both rushed to hush the baby, and Chibi Fondue burst into full fledged tears  
  
herself.  
  
Detransforming and reverting to her original age (16), she fled from behind that weird bellbottoms guy and towards the house. Archibald lunged and caught her wrist, but Katie twisted away, wrist making a violent *snap*, and she slammed into the house, door banging shut. Archibald and GP followed.  
  
Arthur (having detransformed) and Rick didn't even notice the scene, they were so busy with  
  
the Hobbit Baby Of Death, whose Don't Panic symbol glowed brightly as she wailed.  
  
All of a sudden, the baby seemed to realize that Katie was no longer around, and her crying stopped immediately. Everyone sighed in relief. Marvin (having also detransformed) approached Wolfwood and that weird bellbottoms guy.  
  
"We're very sorry. It seems that you have apparently caught the Weiner- Dents in a little family feud. I assure you, Katie isn't always this troublesome."  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy looked at her. "You mean the girl who changed her age and clothes? How did she do that?"  
  
Arthur, Marvin, Hammie, and Emilee all exchanged looks.  
  
"Weeell..."  
  
***  
  
Katie whimpered in pain. GP glanced quickly up at his ex-girlfriend, then down at her  
  
wrist. He turned it gently one way then the other, and almost got kicked between the legs and slapped in the face. He grinned nervously.  
  
"I guess that hurt."  
  
Both Archibald and Katie glared at him, and the teen almost kicked him again. He grinned again, then grew serious.  
  
"Well, it looks like a minor break, and it should heal just fine. You just need to set it and leave it  
  
alone."  
  
Archibald turned pink and looked down. "Katie, I'm sorry, I didn't mean -" he was cut off by Katie's laugh.  
  
"Archibald Papa, it's okay. It doesn't hurt that bad."  
  
GP turned.  
  
"Archibald, could you get some bandages?" he asked.  
  
Archibald nodded and left, shutting the door with a click. Katie let out a heavy sigh, and GP looked up. She had a distant, preoccupied look on her face.  
  
"Katie..." GP murmured, bringing his face close to hers.  
  
Before she could do anything, GP had his mouth over hers, pressing gently.  
  
Katie pushed him a way with her good hand.  
  
"What are you doing, GP? I thought we agreed --"  
  
"I know that, but," he cut her off, "When that weird bellbottoms guy..."  
  
"Your jealous! Aren't you? Aren't you, GP the guinea pig?!"  
  
GP looked at her silently, then nodded.  
  
"Of course I'm jealous! Why wouldn't I be?"  
  
Before Katie could answer, Archibald came in, carrying an armload of bandages, looking very flustered.  
  
"Did I get enough?" he asked, dumping the load onto the bed.  
  
GP and Katie stared first at Archibald, then the pile, then back at Archibald. They burst into  
  
laughter.  
  
"WHAT?!?!"  
  
***  
  
"... and that explains that!"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy blinked very rapidly, then shook his head.  
  
He, Wolfwood, the pilots and the Senshi were all gathered around the dining room and in the kitchen, and the Senshi had just finished explaining what the Senshi, mecha pilots, and Earth was.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy and Wolfwood claimed that they were from a planet named Gunsmoke, and they had absolutely no clue how they came to Earth. None of the others had the faintest idea, either.  
  
Their attention was suddenly diverted to the stairway, as Archibald, GP, and Katie came down,  
  
Katie's wrist in a make-shift sling. The Hobbit Baby Of Death saw her sister's arm wrapped in white, so she wanted to play with it. Wolfwood, not wanting to be caught in another encounter with Senshi, made a quiet exit for the backyard.  
  
When the child began to reach and whimper, Katie turned her face away and sat clear on the other side of the room. Arthur glared and came over to "her" daughter.  
  
"Katie, I'm very disappointed in you! Engaging in battle with me, transforming and changing your  
  
physical body..."  
  
Then, just to piss off her mother, Katie phased into her 20-year-old form, the one she had been in earlier. That weird bellbottoms guy's eyes lit up, and he dashed over to her.  
  
"HEY...!!" Arthur yelled as "she" was pushed out of the way.  
  
"So, you ARE the maiden with the angel's face! But, where is your beau? Should he not be tending to you in your current predicament?"  
  
Archibald coughed, drawing his attention. That weird bellbottoms guy straightened as Archibald spoke.  
  
"Well, Mr. Weird Bellbottoms Guy, I can obviously see that you show an affection for my little KatieO,"  
  
"Archibald Papa!"  
  
"What?" Archibald grinned when she saw the look of confusion on that weird bellbottoms guy's face.  
  
He went over, drew an arm around Katie's shoulder and hugged her, ruffling the girl's hair.  
  
"Aww, Archibald Papa, your embarrassing me!"  
  
Archibald laughed, stood, and walked to sit beside Kronk, winking at that weird bellbottoms guy as he walked past, clearly freaking him out and confusing him. Kronk laughed, clapping a hand on her shoulder.  
  
"Asparagus, your just gonna confuse the poor guy!"  
  
"ASPARAGUS!?!? But I thought..." That weird bellbottoms guy sputtered, eyes bulging,  
  
"That Archibald Papa was a boy?" Emilee said. That weird bellbottoms guy nodded weakly.  
  
"I see we forgot to mention a few details. Archibald is an asparagus, and she is also a Sailor Senshi, along with KatieO."  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy sank down beside Katie, holding his head. She patted him sympathetically on the back, and he immediately seized her around the waist, grinning.  
  
"So, now that I know you DON'T have a boyfriend, will you marry me, fair maiden?"  
  
"DON'T PANIC PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!!!"  
  
"FONDUE STAR POWER, MAKE UP!!!"  
  
"MARVIN PLANET POWER, MAKE UP!!!"  
  
"Here we go again..."  
  
**********  
  
Wasn't it gorgeous? Oh, I know it was.  
  
Well, here's the shpeil. I'm now gonna tell you what all the characters are from, 'cause I'm really really bored.  
  
Katie/Emilee: That… would be us.  
  
Largo: LARGO! WE WROTE IT! GO READ! NOW! [end shameless plug]  
  
Kronk: The Emperor's New Groove  
  
GP the Guinea Pig: A show that came on at 3:30 in the morning on Animal Planet called Once Upon A Hamster.  
  
Hammie the Hamster: See above.  
  
Archibald: Veggie Tales  
  
Marvin: The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, the greatest book in existence.  
  
Arthur: Yeah. Above.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy: A Christian anime from the 70s that came on at 3:00 in the morning… called Flying House. IT WAS SO BEAUTIFULLL!!!!  
  
Wolfwood: (actually, the only character we didn't change…) Trigun.  
  
Rick Moranis: He actually exists, scarily enough. He's that scary guy from Little Shop of Horrors and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.  
  
And I think that's everyone. Review. Now. 


	2. MADNESS!!! MADNESS, I TELL YOU!

**********  
  
I'm SO proud of you… you read it without dying! Now read this one!  
  
**********  
  
  
  
Part TWO  
  
Dark purple light pulsed in blackness, fluctuating like a heart beating.  
  
A shadow formed in the very center of the dark light, arms stretched out to the sides, fingers splayed. The shadow's eyes, red and venomous, looked outward, seeing a small, double rectangle of light.  
  
"Come...  
  
come...  
  
come...  
  
Come and follow my darkness..."  
  
A high, shrieking laughter rose, and the pinpoint of light was suddenly rubbed out, becoming black, then dark violet...  
  
A door slammed shut...  
  
***  
  
Katie bolted up in a cold sweat, a searing pain in her forehead. She stumbled to the mirror through the darkness.  
  
On her forehead, two symbols burned: One of Fondue, the other of Spork.  
  
They cast her face in an eerie light as they glowed, shining like the night sky.  
  
Katie breathed heavily as she watched the symbols, hearing her heart pounding fiercely in her chest.  
  
She touched the glass with her finger-tips, faintly hearing something...  
  
... it was a door, slamming shut.  
  
"Something's coming..."  
  
***  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy was in the middle of pouring himself a glass of vodka from Hammie's secret horde when Katie came downstairs and asked him the question. The nature of the question surprised him so badly that he spilled some of the alcohol onto the counter. Still holding the bottle, he turned and stared down into Katie's face. She looked back up at him, smiling innocently.  
  
"What... what was that?"  
  
Katie repeated her request, this time more slowly.  
  
"Oh. Is that all?" He downed the entire shot. "Is there a reason you need this... help?"  
  
"Have you ANY idea how hard it is to get past that part without someone else?! I need some kind of... partner... to help me with this personal matter." Katie's eyes danced wickedly.  
  
"Yeah... sure... I guess so..." That weird bellbottoms guy was starting to fidget uncomfortably. "But I've never done that kind of thing before."  
  
Katie waved a hand.  
  
"That's cool. I'll tell you what to do."  
  
"You know how to?"  
  
"Well... I've seen Arthur and Rick do it millions of times, so we'll just imitate what they did!" She looked up at him.  
  
"Will you do it?"  
  
"Sure. Anything for a pretty lady like yourself!" he grinned at the presently 20-year-old.  
  
"Oh, man, thanks! I really owe you one!"  
  
She grabbed his wrist and ran the both of them upstairs to her room, closing the door and clicking on a soft lamp.  
  
Katie flopped herself onto the carpet beside the bed while that weird bellbottoms guy shrugged out of his jacket and tugged off his boots.  
  
Katie craned her neck up to look at the blonde, smiling seductively. He smiled back, turning pink.  
  
"Come on, that weird bellbottoms guy," she murmured. "We need to do this... NOW..."  
  
***  
  
Hammie and Emilee walked up the stairs, laughing and talking about how GP had beat up Kronk after the Skirted Wonder had stolen one of that George W. Bush Wannabe Hamster's fried prawns.  
  
As they walked past Katie's room, they both stopped, hearing a strange noise coming from behind their younger sister's door...  
  
Curiosity catching them, they leaned close to the keyhole and stood silent listening...  
  
... to what sounded like that weird bellbottoms guy, moaning his head off.  
  
The two clapped their hands over their mouths to keep from screaming. What the fuzzy was that weird bellbottoms guy doing alone in Katie's bedroom, moaning deeply...  
  
... unless he wasn't alone! Dear God! What was going on?!  
  
As they listened again, they could hear Katie's voice as well:  
  
"Come ON, That weird bellbottoms guy!! You've got to hit it HARDER!"  
  
"But..."  
  
"DO IT!!! Oooh, ooh, right there... no, no, you have to get it in the hole..."  
  
"OK, here goes..."  
  
"YEEE-HAW!! Oh, praise the LORD!!! Oh, WEIRD BELLBOTTOMS GUY!!"  
  
Hammie fell backwards, almost taking Emilee with him, and blacked out for a few seconds.  
  
When he came to, his fur was spotted with red, and more was trickling from his nose.  
  
Emilee, wide-eyed and white, helped up the black-haired ginny pig, and they both put their ears to the hole in the door.  
  
"GlOOOORiAAA!! AAAlelUUUJA!!"  
  
"Hold on Katie, stop rolling around!!"  
  
"Hey, let's try something new..."  
  
"OK..."  
  
"WOAH!! YEE-HAW!!! That was FUN!! Do it again, do it again!!"  
  
The two jerked away as if Mistress 4 and a half was staring out at them from the keyhole.  
  
After exchanging looks of pure horror (both still able to hear Katie' yells of pleasure and that weird  
  
bellbottoms guy's sudden, maniacal laughter), Hammie the hamster and Emilee jumped to their feet and made crazed dashes for the living room.  
  
Arthur and Marvin looked up when Hammie the hamster and Emilee came bursting in, breathing hard and clutching their sides. The two "women" caught a look at Hammie's speckled shirt.  
  
"Hammie... just how did you get blood all over yourself?"  
  
"That weird bellbottoms guy... Katie... bedroom... wild... sex..." Emilee choked, steadying Hammie the hamster.  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
Arthur launched herself at the two sibligs, grabbing both of their necks and giving them a few good shakes.  
  
"DON'T YOU DARE TELL ME THAT THAT STUPID, IMMATURE MAN IS FUCKING MY DAUGHTER!"  
  
"That's not what she said, but that about sums it up, yeah."  
  
Hammie began to get all swirly-eyed, so Arthur let her children go and barreled upstairs, Marvin close on her heels, and then Emilee and Hammie, who both felt like they had been brained by both the Tokyo and New York telephone books.  
  
***  
  
"JUST WHAT THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING, YOU..." Arthur bellowed as "she" broke down "her" daughter's door, then stopped dead in her tracks.  
  
Katie was lying on her belly over the carpet. She was holding a game controller in her hands, and she was kicking her feet through the air in joy, staring raptly at the T.V. screen, where Kirby was standing on a floating black-and-white checker platform.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy was without his fringe jacket and 5-inch platforms, wearing his sweater instead, and he also had a game controller in his hands...  
  
... and both erupted into shrieks when Kirby bounced into a ball shape and into a black hole on the screen.  
  
Both froze, mid-fist raising and feet-swinging, when the four women broke in. That weird bellbottoms guy set down the controller with a guilty blush on his face.  
  
Katie pulled onto her knees, grinning luxuriously, in total bliss.  
  
Arthur, Marvin, Hammie, and Emilee were all confuzzled.  
  
"What... what... what the HELL were you two doing?"  
  
"Uh... " That weird bellbottoms guy turned red as an over-cooked crab. "Ya see... I ... we..."  
  
"We were playing 'Kirby's Dream Course'," Katie said matter-of-factly, turning around so that the T.V. gave her a sort of an aura in the dark, small room.  
  
"Wha... " Arthur gaped.  
  
"You know, video games!!" Katie grinned again.  
  
"Ya see, I always get stuck on this one level, so I asked that weird bellbottoms guy here to help me. His reflexes and timing are much better than mine."  
  
She turned and grinned at her "partner".  
  
"I do believe that you're the best I've seen at this game."  
  
It looked as if all the blood vessels in That weird bellbottoms guy's face were going to burst. He looked at an invisible speck on the carpet and mumbled something incoherent.  
  
"Are you all right, weird bellbottoms guy?" Marvin asked, looking at him quizzically.  
  
"Yes! Oh course! Fine as Kine!"  
  
He gave a high-pitched laugh (yes, higher than one of Katie's screams, amazingly enough...), nervous laugh. Then he noticed Hammie, peering into the room from around Marvin's waist and under his "mother's" arm.  
  
"Hey, Hammie," he asked, "Why do you have blood all over ya?"  
  
"Nothing..."  
  
"She thought you two were having wild sex after listening at the door!" Emilee cried over her brother's head.  
  
Hammie whirled on her.  
  
"You were the one who told Arthur, and you were listening, too!"  
  
Arthur reached back and grabbed both "her" daughters' ears.  
  
"You sick little pervs, I can't believe you! If KRONK wasn't bad enough..."  
  
Her voice faded down the hall as she marched the two downstairs. Marvin smiled at them, then closed the door.  
  
"Who knew?" Katie mused. "And I thought those two had morals... "  
  
She glanced over at that weird bellbottoms guy, then shifted so that her body was lined with his,  
  
front-to-front.  
  
"Are you okay? You look like an over-cooked crab with a really nasty sunburn and your face is going to peel off any second. Why are you blushing so much? It's not like we DID have wild sex."  
  
The hippie couldn't stop turning red, and soon looked like a tomato with bellbottoms. He mumbled something Katie didn't catch - - whether "I'm tired" or the Arabic word for "Fart knocker". He grabbed for his trench coat, but Katie stopped him with a hand on the bellbottomed knee.  
  
"Why, weird bellbottoms guy... indestructible peace machine... I think that this comedy of errors is turning you onto me, am I right?"  
  
"N-NO!" That weird bellbottoms guy choked, eyes bulging, face suddenly bleaching to that of paper.  
  
"I-I-I-I-I-I-I'd n-nev-ver..."  
  
"Never what?" she murmured, eyes half-closing.  
  
She leaned close, hands on either side of his crossed knees, warm breath tickling his throat.  
  
Oh, God, he thought. She's going to kiss me!! Oh God Oh God Oh God...  
  
His thoughts were suddenly tied in 147 different knots as he gazed into her beautiful blue eyes, becoming lost into their depths that held such power that he had only seen a fraction of since he had been here. He made a small noise of surprise as she slid closer, hands now on either side of his hips, noses brushing, warm breath over his mouth...  
  
Suddenly, there was a furious storm of knocks in the door. Before Katie could pull away, Sailor Asparagus burst in, a ball of gold in one fist, a glowing sword in the other, and a black Wombat at her heels.  
  
"WHAT THE HELLL... GET AWAY FROM MY DAUGHTER!!" Asparagus bellowed.  
  
"Moo... " the Wombat said, jumping onto the bed, but no one took notice of it, despite it's large, green eyes glowing evilly.  
  
Many things happened at once.  
  
Asparagus raised his sword and fist at that weird bellbottoms guy.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy made several small, gurgling noises at the back of his throat.  
  
The Wombat "Moo…" 'd.  
  
Asparagus threw her attacks at that weird bellbottoms guy.  
  
Katie slid her body in front of that weird bellbottoms guy's...  
  
***  
  
When that weird bellbottoms guy opened his eyes and breathed about five minutes later, he noticed two things:  
  
#1: He was alive.  
  
#2: Katie was sitting between his legs, pressed hard into his front, his arms circled tightly around her chest, and she was shivering; from fear or the after affects of (apparently) absorbing Asparagus' energy into her body, That weird bellbottoms guy couldn't tell.  
  
Asparagus looked confused, rubbing the back of her head.  
  
"Well, she didn't have to go and do THAT." she said, sighing.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy looked down, then up, then back.  
  
"What do you mean? WHAT HAPPENED?!"  
  
"Huh? Oh, that's right, I forgot, you're not from around here. Well, it's like this. Right now, a tremendous amount of my Asparagus Planet energy is running in KatieO's veins, and let's just say her body isn't really equipped to take that kind of experience."  
  
"AND?!"  
  
"And what? It's no big deal, she just needs a lot of sleep, so, OUT!!"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy jumped, and Asparagus came over and picked Katie. The bellbottoms guy retrieved his platforms and fringed jacket, then clicked off the T.V. and game. They had beaten the final level, that weird bellbottoms guy thought with a smile.  
  
Just as he was about to leave, Archibald called to that weird bellbottoms guy.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
She glared at him. "Don't try anything with her, ya hear me?"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy held up his hands in retreat, then backed out. In the hallway, that weird bellbottoms guy leaned against the wall, remembering what had happened, fantasizing what MIGHT have happened.  
  
Feeling a tingle run through him, that weird bellbottoms guy did a fidgety two-step, then headed  
  
downstairs, mumbling, "I need a cold shower... "  
  
***  
  
Th-thmp...  
  
Th-thmp...  
  
Th-thmp...  
  
The darkness was like a cloak, though it brought no warmth, nor held any.  
  
It's cold, isn't it...?  
  
{Yes, it's very cold...}  
  
You are cold, aren't you...?  
  
{... Yes, I am. Who are you...?}  
  
I am a friend. My name... is Audrey. What is yours?  
  
{... Katie. Audrey is a strange name.}  
  
So is Katie.  
  
{I've never heard it before.}  
  
You've heard it now.  
  
{Where are you?}  
  
Here.  
  
{Where's here?}  
  
Here is here. You are you, I am me, it is the same.  
  
{I'm confused.}  
  
That's all right. Would it help if you could see?  
  
{Yes, I think it might.}  
  
In an instant, two lights appeared: a small square of light behind, and a circular purple haze.  
  
Katie looked all around. She was floating in darkness, with only the white light and the purple light. Looking at herself, she saw a long white dress covering her sixteen-year-old body; her original form.  
  
Now that you know your choices, where will you go?  
  
Katie was startled at the sudden question.  
  
{What do you mean?}  
  
You have two paths in your life right now. You can go back...  
  
An image filled Katie's mind: Arthur, Rick Moranis, Emilee, Hammie, and the others were all together, the Hobbit Baby Of Death in the very center. No one even noticed her.  
  
... or, you can go forward...  
  
Katie was standing between her friends and family, smiling. It was like it had been before the Hobbit Baby Of Death had been born.  
  
Katie was torn, though she favoured the last image more than she did the first.  
  
Ah, I see you are undecided. Well, let's try this.  
  
Katie's body and mind went rigid as a strange sensation ran through her head. It felt like something was shuffling through her thoughts and memories.  
  
Ah-hah...  
  
Her body relaxed, and the sensation left, but it left something; it felt strange and alien, like a  
  
completely different consciousness, something that frightened Katie and excited her at the same time.  
  
So, your torn between the need to be the youngest and most paid attention to, or to be considered mature and grown-up.  
  
{That's why I always change my body; to be what I can't.}  
  
But there's something else, isn't there?  
  
Katie clenched her hands as the sensation returned, but it was gone an instant later.  
  
. . .  
  
{What? What's wrong?}  
  
. . . So there's another involved. . . him. . .  
  
{Him? Who's him?}  
  
As if in reply, another, third image formed. It was that weird bellbottoms guy, and Katie felt her face grow warm.  
  
There was what seemed like several minutes of silence.  
  
Do you want that weird bellbottoms guy?  
  
Katie choked, eyes wide.  
  
{Wha... what are you talking about? I don't...}  
  
You do want that weird bellbottoms guy. That much is obvious, from your reaction.  
  
She looked down into nothingness, nodding.  
  
I thought so. The only way you can have him is to go forward. That weird bellbottoms guy doesn't want a little girl; he wants a young woman.  
  
{You mean, if I go towards YOU, in the purple, I can be...}  
  
Yes, but you have to choose one.  
  
Katie looked back at the white, then forward to the purple.  
  
{All right...}  
  
She reached her hand foreward, and it was gripped by another...  
  
The white disappeared, and a door slammed shut...  
  
**********  
  
Audrey's from Little Shop of Horrors… except, well, not really. We just stole her name 'cause we're unoriginal like dat. 


	3. The plot thickens... And MORE MADNESS!!!

**********  
  
No one's gonna read this. I'm bothering putting an author's note here… why?  
  
Oh well.  
  
**********  
  
Part THREE  
  
TWO WEEKS LATER  
  
Katie opened her eyes to darkness. It was a warm darkness, not the cold, empty void that she had felt in her dream.  
  
Was it a dream? It was so real.  
  
She sat up, her hand automatically reaching for the lamp. It clicked on, the room now bathed in a soft rose.  
  
Within the relatively small room (Katie had chosen the room herself; she liked small, dark places), she could see the T.V. sitting on the light blue carpet, the game console on top of that, and altogether reaching the height of Katie's waist.  
  
Sliding to her feet, Katie opened the door and peeked out into the hallway. She could see the colours of the sunset splashing into the walls and carpet at the west window. Walking towards the window, she squinted her blue eyes in the glare, looking into the yard and seeing the mecha hangars away in the near distance.  
  
Playing in the snowy yard was Emilee, Hammie the hamster, and the Hobbit Baby Of Death. Katie suspected that the pilots were in the hangar, and that Archibald, Marvin, and Arthur were either up in the piano room or down in the living room. She had no clue where Wolfwood or that weird bellbottoms guy might be...  
  
"How long?" Katie mumbled, walking away from the window.  
  
She headed downstairs, carefully avoiding the living room. In the laundry room, she grabbed a towel and a fresh change of clothes, then headed to the top floor for the bath.  
  
Katie walked into the separate room that was closed off from both the hall and the actual bath and tugged off her clothes, dropping them into the hamper and pulling her robe loosely around her, leaving the belt untied.  
  
She had barely placed her hand on the door when it slid open, and Katie found herself nose to chest with...  
  
"THAT WEIRD BELLBOTTOMS GUY?!"  
  
"KATIE?!"  
  
He backed up, surprised.  
  
"You... you're awake! Are you okay? Do..."  
  
He stopped short, realizing that she didn't have her robe tied close, and that she was staring at his own naked chest (he had changed into his bellbottoms before opening the door). That weird bellbottoms guy turned red.  
  
"What?" he asked softly, looking away.  
  
Katie took a few steps closer, raising her hand. She brushed the scars and metal melded with warm flesh with her fingertips.  
  
"How did this happen?" she asked.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy was startled. Her voice was more of innocent curiosity, and not the disgust he had been expecting. He was even more surprised by her hand resting on his chest, right over his racing heart.  
  
"It's the price I pay for letting my opponents live."  
  
She nodded, hand an eyes now moving to his artificial left arm.  
  
"What about this?"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy lowered his gaze, forgetting his nervousness of being around a  
  
half-naked girl, being without a shirt himself.  
  
"My sister..."  
  
"I see..."  
  
She took another step closer, observing the marring marks on his chest and arms, and that weird  
  
bellbottoms guy's nervousness returned almost immediately.  
  
"It's not exactly something I like girls to see. They'd probably just run away." he said softly, smiling wryly.  
  
"I won't run away." Katie said just as softly, then did something that scared, surprised, and put that weird bellbottoms guy into total bliss at the same time; she rested her head on his chest, slipping one arm around his back and pulling him against her, snuggling against him.  
  
Oh God Oh God Oh God Oh Dear, sweet God, I'm gonna die I'm gonna die Oh God Oh God she likes me she likes me say something, no, wait, don't say anything, you'll make an ass of yourself, Oh, GOD...  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy's heart hammered, praying that he'd live through this, and feeling as if he would die in her arms right then and there. Katie just smiled, listening to his rapid heart beat.  
  
"You need to breathe SOME time today, weird bellbottoms guy,"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy realized that she was right; he had been holding his breath the entire time.  
  
He exhaled loudly, inadvertably bringing Katie closer to him. She looked up and smiled, resting her other hand by his neck, pulling him down slightly.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy's eyes widened.  
  
She's going to kiss me...  
  
She did.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy felt his entire world melt away. He felt like he had died, gone to Heaven, then was reborn. It was wonderful.  
  
Sighing, he closed his eyes, and let her kiss him, wrapping his arms tightly around round her.  
  
When she finally pulled away, they were both breathing hard and clutching the other tightly.  
  
"That weird bellbottoms guy?"  
  
"Hm?"  
  
She leaned closer, sliding her hand under the hem of his bellbottoms.  
  
"Make love to me..."  
  
(I had to! It was the bellbottoms!)  
  
***  
  
Arthur, Marvin, and Archibald looked up in surprise when Katie glided into the living room, falling sideways into a chair and swinging her legs over the arm, grinning.  
  
"Katie!!" Arthur yelled, bounding over to "her" daughter over to "her" daughter and sweeping her up into a hug.  
  
"Katie Katie Katie!!"  
  
"Yes, Okaa-san?" she asked calmly, still smiling, her eyes half-closed in what seemed like bliss.  
  
Just then, The Hobbit Baby Of Death, Hammie, and Emilee filed in, and Arthur and Marvin completely forgot about Katie and the fact that she had been unconscious for about two weeks.  
  
Katie's expression turned stony as she watched them coo and aah over the child, then stood and left, Archibald the only one noticing her retreat.  
  
He stood and walked to the doorway, silently watching the teen disappear down a dark hallway, a sad look on his face.  
  
"Katie..."  
  
***  
  
Wolfwood watched in mild interest as that weird bellbottoms guy came staggering into their shared room, a stupid, happy look of rapture on his face. "Hi," That weird bellbottoms guy waved weakly, then flopped onto his bed, asleep and giggling into his pillow.  
  
Wolfwood raised an eyebrow, then turned back to the window.  
  
"I don't wanna know."  
  
***  
  
As Katie walked, she barely notice that it was continually getting darker, and that she was in a  
  
corridor never seen in the Weiner Mansion before.  
  
The only thing she did notice was the double doors at the very end of the corridor, and it was that on which she focused on. Each step brought her closer, until finally she stood before it.  
  
The doors were a dark white, but they didn't look gray, and they were elaborately carved, with strange and frightening symbols set into the wood.  
  
Katie raised a hand; she knew without touching it that the wood was cold, more like empty glass and ice instead. Wood held a sense of living in it. These doors did not.  
  
She gently touched the surface of the door with her fingertip, and the silver star on her forehead turned a dark violet, twisting into a leopard spot.  
  
The light began to throb and pulse, the glow reaching from her hand to the wood. It pooled outward from her touch, like a dropping leaf into a still pool.  
  
When the purple had completely washed over the door, they slowly swung open. Katie lowered her hand and calmly walked into the awaiting darkness.  
  
Upon stepping into the darkness' threshold, the ground fell away to emptiness, leaving Katie floating in midair.  
  
She felt herself being pulled forward, and she was in front of the purple light and the black figure inside.  
  
You're back so soon? What happened? the figure asked.  
  
Katie shivered. Though the voice was kind, it had a biting chill to it, freezing her to the soul, and the heavy pressure returned.  
  
"Please, stop!" she yelled, clutching her arms over her chest, then stopped, surprised to hear her own voice in such a quiet world; it didn't seem right, almost sacrilegious, even.  
  
{Please,} she repeated, this time mentally. {Stop, I'm  
  
getting frightened.}  
  
The pressure left her body, as did a bit of the cold, but some of the same presence remained.  
  
Have I done something unacceptable?  
  
Katie shook her head. {No, I'm sorry if I have upset you.}  
  
The form's hand reached out, a black fog swirling around it, and touched the girl's cheek, sending  
  
chills through her body.  
  
You feel my power?  
  
Katie nodded, blue eyes wide.  
  
Do you want this power?  
  
Katie felt a heavy pressure on her chest, making it hard to breathe. And as she tried to bring more air into her lungs, the pressure increased even more.  
  
The figure brought his/her face close to hers, then whispered, "With my power, everything will be yours, even..."  
  
"Oi, Katie!" a voice called out behind them.  
  
Katie twisted her head around, eyes wide in surprise. There stood that weird bellbottoms guy, smiling at her.  
  
"My little Katie-hime, why so glum? Your life should be filled with Love and Peace!"  
  
He made his trademark grin and "peace" sign with his hand, then faded from sight.  
  
"You, you mean..."  
  
"Everything..."  
  
The pressure continued to build in Katie's chest, until finally it seemed her heart would stop.  
  
{I... I will accept your power...}  
  
Good girl...  
  
He/she pulled her into the purple light, into his/her arms. He/she tilted her head up.  
  
"Everything... is yours..."  
  
He/she kissed her, and the pressure in Katie's chest lightened; no, it spread throughout her entire body, filling every part of herself with a strange heaviness. The white dress she had been wearing seemed to dissolve where the feeling entered in that part of her body.  
  
Finally, he/she pulled away, leaving Katie gasping for air. He/she looked over her for a second, frowning.  
  
Now, you shall have attire suitable for your position.  
  
He/she reached out his/her hands, brushing her bare throat, then ran his/her fingers down her shoulders, arms, to the tips of her hands.  
  
Almost immediately, the black smoke and violet light shimmered and swirled down his arms onto Katie's, wrapping and twisting itself around her body, finally forming into a long, black velvet dress split on both sides up to her hips, knee-length violet boots peeking from under the hem of the long, flowing skirt.  
  
It looked very much like Black Lady's dress, only the pink under the skirt was purple, and the dark pink gauze on her chest and arms was black velvet.  
  
Her silver star became replaced by a violet leopard spot once again, and her physical form of an adult fully matured.  
  
Katie raised her hands, looking at them with a blank expression. A faint purple glow formed around them. She looked up, and was surprised to find that she could see the man/woman's face; he/she was startlingly familiar: his/her light eyes, the colour and short, bobbed cut of his/her hair, the build of his/her chest and face...  
  
"Who are you?" Katie whispered, growing frightened again as she knew who he/she was right as the question left her mouth.  
  
"Transsexual Audrey."  
  
***  
  
Inside that weird bellbottoms guy's mind, something snapped.  
  
Wolfwood, Archibald, Arthur, Marvin, Hammie, Emilee, and The Hobbit Baby Of Death all watched with mild confusion and alarm as that weird bellbottoms guy stood up in a flash, then collapsed to his knees, clutching his chest and crying out in pain.  
  
"Something's happening! Something's wrong!" that weird bellbottoms guy yelled, convulsing as if an unseen hand had suddenly seized his chest and began to unmercifully squeeze the life out of him.  
  
The three Outer Senshi were standing, just now sensing the imbalance of power.  
  
"Where is it?" Archibald cried, gripping her wand tightly.  
  
Arthur held up his sandwich blade.  
  
"God of the Sandwich, Guardian Star Don't Panic, show us where this negative force is!"  
  
The polished surface of the knife flashed black, then there was a horrible screeching, and the metal cracked and shattered, the silver shards flying outward and into the air, disappearing.  
  
"The... the sandwich blade!" Hammie cried in horror, clasping his hands over his mouth.  
  
"It shattered!" Emilee cried.  
  
"How can it be? The sandwich blade is a divine object, a manifestation of a Pure and True heart, not at all subject to destruction!" Marvin shuddered.  
  
"It must be a horrible, evil power to have destroyed the sandwich blade."  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death cried and ran over to Wolfwood, burying her face in his jacket in fear.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy watched the child, eyes half-closed and breathing hard. "The young one is right," he whispered.  
  
"What?" The Senshi and Wolfwood turned to look at the hippie.  
  
"She's right." That weird bellbottoms guy stood, still clutching the front of his red jacket with his gloved hand.  
  
"Who's right? The Hobbit Baby Of Death?! She's just a baby, how can you --" Arthur was cut off by the hippie's next harsh words.  
  
"She can sense things that you would never be able to perceive, not even on the physical or mental level. She and I.. we know who is this dark power."  
  
"Who?" Archibald asked, dark eyes flashing.  
  
"... it's... it's Katie... and... my brother/sister."  
  
***  
  
Audrey's head snapped up, icy eyes narrowed.  
  
Katie looked to her, a vaguely interested look on her face. "What's wrong, Audrey?"  
  
She looked over at her and smiled.  
  
"We're going to have company."  
  
***  
  
"DON'T PANIC PLANET POWER..."  
  
"ASPARAGUS PLANET POWER..."  
  
"MARVIN PLANET POWER..."  
  
"WOOD CHIPS PLANET POWER..."  
  
"SPORK POWER..."  
  
"MAKE UP!!"  
  
The five transformed, each holding their talisman, and Spork her spork.  
  
"Take me with you."  
  
Marvin, Don't Panic, and Asparagus turned, surprised.  
  
"What?"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy stood, breathing hard and forehead covered with sweat, but otherwise fine. "I said," he repeated, "take me with you."  
  
"But," Marvin held up his staff, "how can you help? You have no Senshi or Knight powers."  
  
"It's my brother/sister. I have to go."  
  
The other two Senshi adults sighed.  
  
"All right, then. You win. Come here."  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy complied, standing in front of Asparagus. His tiara disappeared, replaced by a glowing gold symbol.  
  
Pulling his face close to that weird bellbottoms guy's, Asparagus pressed his forehead against his. When he moved away, his tiara reappeared, and a glowing gold symbol was on that weird bellbottoms guy's forehead. The gold flashed to silver, and the symbol transformed into a filled circle.  
  
Wolfwood and The Hobbit Baby Of Death watched as the Senshi formed into a circle, linking hands as that weird bellbottoms guy stood in the center.  
  
The Senshi's tiaras vanished, replaced by their symbols, and everyone's hair and clothing began to wave as if in a wind that was only around the circle of Senshi and the hippie.  
  
"Everyone, concentrate on Katie, and on the darkness!" Marvin yelled.  
  
"Sailor... TELEPORT!!"  
  
There was a flash, and they were gone.  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death looked at the spot where they had been standing, then up at the awestruck Wolfwood.  
  
Wolfwood set The Hobbit Baby Of Death on the couch and stumbled to the back door, mumbling, "I need a smoke,"  
  
***  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy felt a fast moving sensation -- it was like a carnival ride on the fritz--, and his stomach and his body went two different ways, and that didn't help the dizziness throbbing in his skull.  
  
He had barely closed his eyes when everything stopped; well, it SEEMED to have stopped, but that weird bellbottoms guy's vision and body were spinning so badly that he couldn't tell.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy felt a hand on his arm, and the floor (or was it the wall?) stopped trying to smack him in the face.  
  
"You okay?" a voice asked.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy blinked numerous times, then turned to face the origin of the voice.  
  
He saw a wall.  
  
Turning the other way, now facing Marvin, he nodded, saying, "Except for the fact that the walls, ceiling, and floor are trying to kill me, I'm fine."  
  
Everyone laughed, then they took account of their surroundings. They stood in a long hallway --  
  
corridor, actually; it was fairly narrow, but it could accommodate all of them quite comfortably -- , the ends to the front and back were completely dark.  
  
The area would have been pitch black if the Senshi's tiaras and bow jewels and the circle on that weird bellbottoms guy's forehead weren't illuminated.  
  
"Well," Spork asked, "Which way?"  
  
They turned to that weird bellbottoms guy, who backed up an involuntary step.  
  
"What? Why are you all looking at me like that? Stop!"  
  
"Weird bellbottoms guy,"  
  
Don't Panic took a step towards the hippie. Everyone, but mostly that weird bellbottoms guy, were surprised to see tears in "her" eyes. "She" clutched the shattered sandwich blade in "her" gloved hands, the jagged edges still stuck inside the handle a dull black.  
  
"Weird bellbottoms guy, your... brother/sister, has my daughter in his power. He has also most possibly infected her with some of his power. I... I think it's time that I told you, all of you, something.  
  
"Katie... Katie Dentist Krelborn. That's her full name. No, she's not married," Don't Panic told that weird bellbottoms guy, who looked like he was about to say something indignant on her double surname.  
  
"Katie doesn't share my last name, which means she isn't Don't Panic. Her parents are Seymour Krelborn and the Dentist, a dark general of Prince Zaphod of Spork."  
  
"But, Katie is older than Seymour, and the Dentist is dead! How --" Don't Panic raised a hand, cutting off Hammie. She continued.  
  
"Katie, the heiress to both the Jupiter throne and the Fondue throne, was conceived during the Silver Millennium, but the Dentist was filled with Chaotic Darkness during the time, so..."  
  
"... So Katie is filled with both negative and positive energy..." Marvin said.  
  
Don't Panic nodded. "There's more."  
  
"The only reason Katie is considered my daughter is that she was never born during the Silver Millennium. Princess of Jupiter was killed by the Dentist before she had borne Katie, so she became a wandering spirit. Queen Serenity sent her to the future, but not to the same parents. Somehow, I gave birth to Katie, but her true parentage lies in Seymour Krelborn and the Dentist,  
  
a.k.a. Orin Scrivello, D.D.S. She chose to keep her real parents' last names herself, she and I just never told the rest of you." Don't Panic smiled wryly, but it was obvious that this was painful for "her" to talk about.  
  
"So, since Katie's energy is in balance between good and evil, she would be susceptible to both forces." Asparagus thought aloud.  
  
"Yes," Don't Panic nodded. "But even more so to evil, because during the Silver Millennium, when she was conceived, Chaotic Darkness was at the highest peak of it's power, and it was much stronger than good at that time."  
  
"Even though," Don't Panic said, sorrow and tears filling her throat and voice, "I'm not her real  
  
mother, I still love her as much as one of my own."  
  
A young Katie wearing a light summer dress watches a field. She turns, smiling. "Arthur," she yells happily, waving.  
  
Don't Panic turned to that weird bellbottoms guy and the others.  
  
"I'm sorry I've kept this from you, all of you. If you had known sooner, than this probably would have never happened."  
  
"No, it's not your fault,"  
  
Don't Panic looked up, surprised.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy nodded. "It's not your fault." he repeated.  
  
"My brother/sister is extremely strong, it couldn't be helped. Don't you dare blame yourself for this. Now," he smiled. "Let's go get our KatieO back."  
  
***  
  
Wolfwood and The Hobbit Baby Of Death both looked up as the mecha pilots came barreling in.  
  
"What's happening?! Where are the girls?" GP and Rick both demanded at the same time.  
  
"WHERE'S MY SISTER??" Kronk wailed when the priest told them that the girls and that weird bellbottoms guy had all disappeared in a flash of light.  
  
Kronk sat down where he was standing and started crying like a little chibi. The wall patted his back.  
  
"I'm sure Katie is fine."  
  
"WHY CAN'T I HAVE SUPER POWERS, TOO??"  
  
GP looked frightened. "You mean, you want to run around in a super short skirt and wave  
  
a wand around, too?!"  
  
"THAT'S NOT WHAT I MEANT!! I want a cape with the skirt..."  
  
"AAAAAHHH!!"  
  
"Chibi Chibi Chibi!!"  
  
"Moo..."  
  
**********  
  
That's scary stuff.  
  
Oh yeah.  
  
Do the kind thing. Review. 


	4. It's a MAD MAD MAD MAD WORLD!!!

**********  
  
Hey hey hey, chicken livers, oh baby baby yeaaaaaahhh…  
  
If you actually read that, um, it's explained by the fact that no one in their right mind would ever want to finish this story… so I'm just rambling.  
  
**********  
  
Part FOUR  
  
After what seemed like endless walking, the Senshi and that weird bellbottoms guy saw a door at the end of the hallway. As they drew closer, they could see many strange symbols embedded into the wood. Wood Chips shivered as he looked at the door.  
  
Asparagus boldly reached out a "hand" and grasped the door handle, almost immediately drawing back with a gasp and clutching his "wrist."  
  
"It's... it's like frozen death!"  
  
Wood Chips approached the door himself, Hamster Glaive collecting from the surrounding darkness and solidifying in his hand. He stood in front of it, held out his glaive, and closed his eyes.  
  
Almost immediately, the sharp, deadly hamster blade on the top of the long, ornate staff reacted, and there was a bright, blinding flash of violet, darker than Wood Chips's aura, and he, Spork, and that weird bellbottoms guy were swept up into impenetrable balls of violet; then, to the other Senshi's horror, they disappeared.  
  
***  
  
In the living room with worried sick Wolfwood and the others, only The Hobbit Baby Of Death seemed to be not frightened. In fact, it looked like she was pleased about the whole situation.  
  
Everyone was so solemn and silent that, at first, they didn't notice The Hobbit Baby Of Death sitting on her knees and fold her hands into a prayer, eyes closing and an aqua violet light surround her. It was only until the light was a bright shining orb when they all noticed the small child, who was obviously controlling this extreme energy through a force of sheer will that  
  
was far more developed than is normal for one of her age.  
  
"The Hobbit Baby Of Death," Kronk reached out a hand to his little sister, and just before he got within a foot of her, The Hobbit Baby Of Death's ball of energy flashed, and she had disappeared.  
  
Wolfwood got up once more and headed for the back, shaking like he had seen the devil.  
  
"Now I REALLY need a smoke..."  
  
***  
  
Audrey and Katie coldly inspected the four orbs of light that entered their realm: the three violet of  
  
Wood Chips, Spork, and that weird bellbottoms guy, and, to their surprise, The Hobbit Baby Of Death's aqua-violet.  
  
"How intriguing," Audrey murmured. "I had no idea that child could utilize her sleeping power in such a form and way, and at such a young age..."  
  
Katie leaned over and circled her arms around Audrey's shoulders, almost possessively.  
  
"Still, she is just a small child. What harm could she do to us, and those other three...?"  
  
She waved a hand nonchalantly at the Senshi and hippie. Audrey smiled. Already, her memory of them was growing faint, though he/she still questioned her emotion towards them, and her own powers...  
  
Then he/she stood, and Katie pulled back, somewhat surprised.  
  
"Well, let's see how much fun our new playmates are, shall we?"  
  
Katie smiled evilly.  
  
***  
  
Wood Chips groaned. Her body hurt... a lot.  
  
A few feet away, Spork also groaned, and she sat up, wincing at the painful shocks of protest running through her body.  
  
"Whe... where are we?"  
  
Before Wood Chips could answer, let alone grip her glaive even more tightly, a high, blood-chilling cackle ripped through the air, and a dark form appeared in the sky above then, clothed in a long dark-blue and white dress, her straight black hair long and snake-like, and she carried a deadly looking scythe, very similar to Wood Chips's...  
  
"MISTRESS 4 1/2!!!" the two Senshi yelled out in horror and fear.  
  
"Correct! And now, DIE!!" Mistress 4 1/2 screamed, lunging at them from them sky, her own version of Wood Chips's Silence Glaive pointed directly at a scared stiff Spork.  
  
"WATCH OUT!" Wood Chips cried, and he threw himself at his sister, knocking Spork out of danger, but the sharp blade cut through Wood Chips's fuku and plunged into his back. A dark steam immediately rose up, and Wood Chips's body was wracked with pain, and the Hamster Glaive clattered to the ground.  
  
Wood Chips fell, his crystal brooch cracking, and the hamster's body was covered in purple light. His fuku disappeared, replaced by his normal clothing. (read: none.)  
  
Sailor Wood Chips was no more.  
  
"No! You... " Spork growled, turning to face the demonic woman, tears blurring her vision. She raised her wand, and it twisted its shape and turned into a long, crystal clear Spork, the thin Spork glinting in the empty yet light darkness.  
  
" 'You' what, dearie?" Mistress 4 1/2 smiled wickedly, touching the side of her red lips with a forefinger.  
  
"I'LL KILL YOU!!" Spork screamed in agony over her brother/hamster's death, and, Spork raised high, she rushed at the demon, slashing and cutting, but never getting in a hit.  
  
"Pitiful,"  
  
With a sickening crack, Mistress 4 1/2 brought the Glaive crashing into the middle of Spork's back, and she fell, not moving and eyes wide open.  
  
Just as the demon woman was about to finish the Senshi off, she felt a sharp pain in her abdomen, and heard the sickening sound of a Spork cutting through flesh. She looked down, and saw a BIG SPORK piercing her belly, straight through her back. Spork smiled feebly up at her.  
  
"Whoops, sorry... guess the Spork slipped when I aimed for your heart. Oh, wait, I forgot... you don't have a heart."  
  
Mistress 4 1/2 snarled, twisting her pain contorted face into an unrecognizable mask of fear and horror, and, with her dying breath, brought the blade of the Glaive crashing down at Spork, piercing her through the back, the point going straight through her crystal heart brooch and into empty darkness. The Glaive and Mistress 4 1/2 dissolved into nothingness, leaving the dying and dead girl and hamster.  
  
Two pools of blood ran together, and Hammie the hamster and Emilee lived their last.  
  
***  
  
Katie watched this spectacle, feeling oddly affected by the deaths of these two warriors. But, she  
  
shrugged, she didn't know them. They would have just hurt her if she hadn't have hurt them first.  
  
"Tis no great loss," she murmured.  
  
"They will all die by my hand..."  
  
***  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death felt her body beginning to grow warm as she prayed to the Hairy Toe Star, and her Guardian, Don't Panic.  
  
She could feel now all of the hairy toes of the whole Earth flowing, growing, twisting with the pull of the Pot Star.  
  
The Marijuana... the one whom her mission is to protect, but also the other drugs... even more greatly the other drugs...  
  
Now she could feel the Weed within herself, its power flowing into her, like she was a great conductor of power, a silo for which housed an immense ocean of energy itself, and that was all contained in one, small Hobbit Baby of Death...  
  
But, it was not enough, not enough to protect the the wonderful Marijuana, the hairy toes, and  
  
the other precious drugs...  
  
Still, she prayed...  
  
***  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy painfully opened his eyes, feeling a cold floor beneath him. He looked down and saw... nothing.  
  
"Yaaaahh!!!"  
  
He screamed and jumped up, immediately regretting it. First off, there appeared to be no floor, yet he was standing on something solid, and he felt like he had been hit by a semi truck to boot.  
  
Where are you...  
  
What are you doing...  
  
Over here...  
  
Come and play...  
  
All at once, the four voices came, and it seemed to approach from different directions, and inside his mind. That weird bellbottoms guy stumbled backwards, turning and looking all around, but he couldn't see anything.  
  
I'm over here...  
  
No, over here...  
  
Won't you play with me?  
  
This way...  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy...  
  
"WHO ARE YOU? WHERE ARE YOU?" That weird bellbottoms guy yelled.  
  
A soft laugh rang out. It sounded feminine and amused and that weird bellbottoms guy's sudden panic and confusion.  
  
"Where are you... What are you doing... Over here... Come and play... I'm over here... No, over here... Won't you play with me? This way... weird bellbottoms guy..."  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy turned around, and from the darkness beyond, he saw the dark silhouette of a person walking slowly towards him. As they got closer, the darkness seemed to part like a smoky curtain, and that weird bellbottoms guy could see clearly the form of a woman wearing a long black dress.  
  
"Weird bellbottoms guy... won't you play?" she asked.  
  
The hippie's eyes widened in fear and shock when the woman stopped not ten feet away. Her build, her face, her eyes...  
  
"K... Katie?!"  
  
She smiled, then raised a hand and pointed at his chest. That weird bellbottoms guy felt like his entire body was frozen; he couldn't move, and he could barely breathe.  
  
Still smiling, the now-adult Katie walked up to that weird bellbottoms guy, leaning her head on his chest and circling her arms around his waist.  
  
At her touch, his body started to shake violently as painful electrical currents raged through him, and if Katie hadn't been holding him, that weird bellbottoms guy would have collapsed. She smirked up at him.  
  
"What's the matter? Can't stand this pain? It's how I've felt when humanity touched my heart. And, now..."  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy barely felt her shift her body against his, bringing one arm around and resting the fingertips against his stomach.  
  
"You will die..."  
  
At her words, that weird bellbottoms guy felt something slide painfully through his flesh. It was  
  
Katie's nails; they had turned into claws and were now sticking out through his back.  
  
Convulsively, he clutched her against him, surprising the woman, who retracted the blades from his body. He looked down at her suddenly frightened face, smiling softly. She felt a wave of pain and sadness wash through her.  
  
"What... what are you doing to me?!" she cried, voice rising in pitch and fear as her body was seized by sudden emotion.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy's eyes began to mist over as he looked at her. "I just wanted you to know," he whispered, leaning down close to her.  
  
"... that I love you, Katie Weiner-Dent."  
  
He slumped against her, hardly breathing and barely conscious. Katie fell to her knees, still holding onto him tightly, as if she were afraid to let go, but afraid to hold on.  
  
Audrey appeared behind them, looking upset. "What are you doing? Why didn't you kill him? Don't tell me..."  
  
Katie looked fearfully back at Audrey.  
  
"... that you're growing sentimental. Don't worry," He/she held out a hand, and a twisted blade of black appeared.  
  
"I'll take care of you both,"  
  
***  
  
Already, The Hobbit Baby Of Death felt the deaths of two of the Stars, and another was drawing closer. She started to cry.  
  
"Please, God of Don't Panic, grant me your power so that I may protect these Stars. Lend me the Sleeping Powers of Wood Chips and the Spork. Awaken the Sleeping Powers within myself, and them, so that this universe, this life, may be protected from evil,  
  
"Please, I beg of you! Grant us your power, and awaken our own!"  
  
***  
  
Hammie and Emilee's bodies lay in the darkness, seeping dark red blood. Their wands between  
  
them, dull and lifeless, their power eliminated and gone.  
  
From the sky of the evil realm, two dots of light appeared: a bright purple, and a crystalline white.  
  
They shone for an instant, then shot towards the two dead Senshi, striking their foreheads.  
  
Almost instantly, the sign of Wood Chips and Spork glowed brightly, burning the darkness. The wands began to shine dully, then brighter and brighter, until they were like beacons in the night.  
  
The two, and the wands, were lifted into the air, and they disappeared.  
  
***  
  
"DIE!!"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy and Katie watched as Audrey lunged at them, sword raised.  
  
Crying, Katie turned her face away and held that weird bellbottoms guy tightly as the sword slid through her body with little difficulty. That weird bellbottoms guy could feel the point of the sword exit through her front and press into his stomach.  
  
Audrey smirked, then jerked the sword out of his/her follower's shuddering body. "Pathetic..."  
  
Katie looked up at that weird bellbottoms guy, tears tracking down her face. "I'm sorry..." she whispered, brushing her lips against his before she fell, dead, into his arms.  
  
"KatieO? Hey, Katie, wake up, this isn't funny. Stop it, you're scaring me! Wake up!" That weird  
  
bellbottoms guy shook her, but Katie didn't move. "Katie," he moaned, holding her tightly.  
  
Audrey watched, looking very nonchalant as he/she inspected his/her blade.  
  
"You..."  
  
"Hm?" Audrey looked up, gazing at the hippie. "What is it... brother?"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy gently laid Katie's body onto the cold ground, then stood and faced Audrey.  
  
"How could you?"  
  
Audrey smirked.  
  
"Very easily." (BAD comeback)  
  
Yelling with rage, that weird bellbottoms guy lunged at his brother/sister. Audrey dodged out of the way, but was caught off guard when that weird bellbottoms guy turned quickly and lashed a kick at him/her. Audrey barely had time to bring up his/her sword and block the kick with the broad side of the sword.  
  
"You see, brother, that pitiful human right over there wasn't even the slightest bit of importance to me. I was only using her to get to you. And, as you can see, it worked quite well. Now that I have you where I want you, she was of no further use, so I eliminated her," Audrey said, dodging all of that weird bellbottoms guy's attacks.  
  
"That's called murder! She's dead, and you killed her! YOU MURDERED HER!" That weird bellbottoms guy screamed.  
  
Audrey sighed, then kicked that weird bellbottoms guy in the stomach, throwing him to the ground. "That weird bellbottoms guy, that weird bellbottoms guy, that weird bellbottoms guy... you have to learn something. We are superior to humans, and we have a right to use them as our tools and throw them away when we are done,"  
  
"YOU'RE WRONG! They're living, breathing people, like us! We are not above them, and it isn't anyone's place to take another's right to live! I will not stand for you or anyone else to kill the ones I love, or anyone else for that matter!"  
  
"Pathetic, trifling human emotions. Really, weird bellbottoms guy, you've been living too weak for too long. It's time I showed you the way of things, how  
  
their supposed to be."  
  
He raised a hand, and a portal opened in empty space. Inside, that weird bellbottoms guy could see the Outer Senshi, still trying to desperately get inside the door. Horrified, that weird bellbottoms guy could only watch as their bodies were suddenly wrapped in dark violet, and, one by one, they fell to the ground, twitching and convulsing. "No," that weird bellbottoms guy whispered, then he slowly pulled himself to his knees, kneeling before his brother/sister. Audrey released the Senshi, looking remotely interested.  
  
"No, please, don't kill them."  
  
For an instant, Audrey looked like he/she was going to give in, but it was in that one instant that there were three flashes of light: bright purple, white, and aqua.  
  
The two watched in amazement as first Hammie the hamster appeared, then Emilee, and finally the Hobbit Baby Of Death, still praying. Hammie and Emilee, wrapped in orbs of their aura, were gently placed on either side of the Hobbit Baby Of Death, their wands floating down to rest between their folded hands on their chests.  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death opened her eyes and stood, now dressed in the princess gown of Don't Panic. She looked first at that weird bellbottoms guy and Audrey, then over at Katie, whose dark blood was soaking into the dark gown and pooling onto the floor.  
  
Slowly, with purpose, she walked between the frozen siblings, who watched her every step with wide eyes.  
  
She has more power than I imagined! It's like she is a god! Audrey thought, in complete awe of the energy that radiated from the small child.  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death kneeled beside her sister, raising the woman's hand and gently kissing the back of it. "Please, Guardian God of the Heavenly Star Fondue and of Spork, I beg of you to lend me my sister's Sleeping Power, so that I may help to protect the Stars,"  
  
There was a bright flash of silver and green, and Audrey and that weird bellbottoms guy shielded their eyes. When they looked next, Katie's wand had appeared, and it began to glow brightly, as did the silver and green Fondue and Don't Panic symbols on her forehead.  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death stood up, gently laying Katie's hand onto her still chest. She turned and faced Audrey, who sneered and leveled the sword at her. "You dare think you can enter my realm and defeat me? Ha! Such ideals you humans have!"  
  
Then, in a voice not her own, the Hobbit Baby Of Death answered, "You have too much ambition, Transsexual Audrey. You're delusional to think that you can destroy all of humanity through your chaos. You forgot, there is something that can never, ever be destroyed; human emotion. Only by achieving and understanding human emotion you can have true power, and this is something few have accomplished since the beginning of time. Only a select few, the Warriors of the Universe, the Soldiers of Emotion and Purity, have achieved this power, and you have snuffed out the lives of three of the most noble of these Fighters. For that, you can never be forgiven, but if you kill me or anymore of these Soldiers, the consequences you will pay will be catastrophic."  
  
Audrey spat. "How can you, a child, be threatening me? The consequences you will pay for interfering with me will be catastrophic."  
  
He leaped at The Hobbit Baby Of Death, screaming at the top of his/her voice, "Now I shall kill you, and then the rest of your precious Stars!"  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death's eyes flashed, and Audrey was frozen in mid-air, the edge of the sword not an inch away from her head. Sighing, she looked sadly up at Audrey's frightened and angry face. "You still do not see. You are like a child with a gun, pleased that you have such a fun new toy to play with, but completely unaware of the deadly danger that awaits you. You still don't understand that the emotions of the human heart is the greatest power in this universe. Can't you see that chaos and murder will just lead to more chaos and to bloodshed?"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy watched all of this, completely silent and in awe. He was now cradling  
  
Katie's limp body in his arms, and tears were starting to form in his eyes as he watched the battle between his dead love's sister and his own brother/sister wage.  
  
He held Katie even more tightly, and a single tear fell to the darkness below.  
  
***  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooove  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooove  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooove  
  
"Everyone!"  
  
Asparagus, Don't Panic, and Marvin looked up and around. Where was that voice coming from?  
  
In the living room back at the Weiner-Dent mansion, all of the natives and Wolfwood looked around, startled. Who was that?  
  
In America, the Inner Senshi, Derek Zoolander, Yukon Cornelius, Johnny Bravo, and Chris looked around as well. What was this voice?  
  
"Please, please help me! Give me your strength, and help to fight this chaotic evil and save the Stars!"  
  
The Outer and Inner Senshi's tiara's disappeared, replaced by their planetary symbols, and Zoolander, Cornelius, Johnny, and Chris began to glow with light. Even Kronk started to glow faintly.  
  
"Please, to protect this life and these Stars, unleash your Sleeping Powers!"  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooove  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooove  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooove  
  
Puberty love, puberty love  
  
It's so sweet, it's so fine  
  
There ain't nothing like puberty looooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooove  
  
The Senshi, Hammie, Emilee, Katie, Cornelius, Johnny Bravo, Chris, Zoolander, and Kronk all flashed briefly, then several different beams of coloured light shot away from them and disappeared into the air.  
  
***  
  
"You will never defeat me!" Audrey snarled, struggling against the hold the Hobbit Baby Of Death's power had locked him/her in.  
  
Before either could do anything, several beams of light dropped from the sky and shot into The Hobbit Baby Of Death, and Audrey's entire body locked up, frozen in place with a surplus of energy.  
  
"As you can see," The Hobbit Baby Of Death said calmly, "This is what happens when the Pure Hearts and the Sleeping Powers of humans join together and work as one for a cause other than their own. It is the Passage of the Stars, and with this Passage comes a new age, one where human emotion is at the peak of its power, overtaking all in it's path that sets out to oppose it,"  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death's eyes widened, and Audrey's blade shattered, the dark fragments flying outward and disappeared.  
  
"This... this can't be... how?" Audrey gasped, looking at the child with fear.  
  
"It's human emotion,"  
  
She raised a hand, and Audrey's entire body became rigid as something grabbed ahold of him/her. He/she was able to scream once before collapsing and falling limp to the floor, not moving and not breathing.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy watched silently, feeling empty inside. His love was dead, and now his brother/sister. All he wanted to do now was curl up and cry, and just let darkness take him.  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death, sensing his distress, turned and kneeled down in front of him and her sister's body. She cocked her head, looking at him curiously.  
  
"You... you are not like your brother, are you? You understand the power of true emotion, and you live your life with it. What you are feeling... it is just as powerful as any toxin in the world. Sadness will kill a man, as will love,"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy hung his head, crying. "I don't care anymore! I just want to die, I have nothing to live for anymore,"  
  
The Hobbit Baby Of Death calmly reached out a hand and traced a finger down one of the paths that his tears were making. "Are you sure?" she asked, then gently touched Katie's forehead, on the shining symbols.  
  
"You are her prince, now awaken your Sleeping Beauty with your kiss,"  
  
Feeling like he had nothing left to lose, that weird bellbottoms guy leaned down and gently kissed Katie, and was shocked to find her mouth was warm. He pulled back when she suddenly shifted her weight, as if waking up from sleep.  
  
Katie opened her eyes, then smiled up at that weird bellbottoms guy. "I was asleep," she murmured softly.  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy burst into tears and hugged her tightly, not wanting to let go in case she disappeared. Katie reached up and hugged him back, neither of them noticing that the Hobbit Baby Of Death, Audrey, Hammie, and Emilee had disappeared, as did the dark realm that they were in.  
  
"I love you, weird bellbottoms guy,"  
  
***  
  
"Emilee..."  
  
"Hammie..."  
  
"Audrey..."  
  
"It's time to wake up..."  
  
One by one, the two Senshi and Audrey slowly opened their eyes and sat up. They looked around; they were in a place completely white, and the darkness had disappeared. It was like they were in Heaven.  
  
An figure bathed in light appeared before them, and it glided over to Audrey. She reached out her hand and gently placed it over his/her forehead.  
  
"Don't be afraid..."  
  
"I'm not afraid..." he/she protested, shaking with fear. What were these feelings inside him/her?  
  
"I'm going to give you a gift... Hold still, please..."  
  
The aqua woman placed her hands gently under Audrey's chin and pulled his/her face close to hers, and she kissed him/her.  
  
Audrey's mind was filled with a bright whiteness, and the world faded around them.  
  
***  
  
Sailor Don't Panic smiled as "she" watched these events in the bright aqua face of "her" Sandwich Blade. Suddenly, the glass that the knife was composed up at this time shone brightly, then seemed to solidify into a deep aqua, then to a dull silver of glass, palely reflecting "her" face.  
  
"She" smiled again, then closed "her" eyes and kissed the fading image of "her" daughter and the hippie.  
  
**********  
  
If you think THAT made no sense, you should have seen the original.  
  
Just kidding, Tabi-chan, I LOVE YOO! 


	5. Finally, an end to the MADNESS!!!

**********  
  
HAHAHAHAAAAA!!! YOU MADE IT!!!  
  
I LOVE YOUUUU!!!  
  
**********  
  
Part FIVE  
  
FIVE WEEKS LATER  
  
-CHRISTMAS EVE-  
  
"... And a Happy New Year!!!"  
  
Everyone laughed and clapped as the song ended, then went off to their own little holiday business after playfully protesting when Kronk yelled for another song.  
  
"Hey, has anyone seen Largo?" someone called out.  
  
Wombat-sama, sitting in the branches of the tree, grinned most evilly. He then spat out a strand of bright blue hair and burped. (And the peasants rejoiced)  
  
Katie smiled as she walked out of the kitchen. She peeked around the door, smiling playfully when she saw a somewhat dizzy and happy weird bellbottoms guy sitting on the couch. Slowly, she tip-toed over, then threw her arms around his neck. He looked back, surprised. "Oh, hi, KatieO," he said in a very tipsy manner.  
  
She frowned. "Did Audrey get you drunk again?"  
  
"Aw, I only had..." he looked at his hands, trying to count, then gave up and settled for pulling the woman into his lap and hugging her.  
  
She giggled and kissed him.  
  
Just then, Audrey came staggering in, grinning like an idiot and singing very off-key to "Frosty the  
  
Snowman". He/she waved cheerfully to the two, then pranced off for some more alcohol, still singing (somewhat).  
  
"You know," Katie said, smiling, "Your brother/sister is completely tone- deaf when he/she's drunk,"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy grinned at her. "Yep! Ya see, that's 'cause he/she gets it from MY side of the family!"  
  
Katie rolled her eyes and laughed. She snuggled up against that weird bellbottoms guy, staring happily at the fire in the fireplace and at the Christmas tree. "You know," That weird bellbottoms guy said softly, and Katie looked up.  
  
"What?"  
  
He looked down at her, holding her tightly. "It's hard to believe, but I almost lost you. I still can't get over it,"  
  
Katie frowned. "You shouldn't be dwelling over that. I'm here with you now, and I promise I'll never leave your side so long as I live. You should realize," she added with a grin, "That I'm Sailor Fondue, and I always keep my promises, and never back down from the line of duty,"  
  
"Well, then," that weird bellbottoms guy murmured, grinning, "I guess you have some duty left to  
  
fulfill,"  
  
She looked confused, and that weird bellbottoms guy pointed up. Katie looked, and smiled when she saw a strand of mistletoe right over them.  
  
Wrapping her arms around his neck, Katie pulled that weird bellbottoms guy close and kissed him, not wanting to let go.  
  
When they parted, she snuggled her head against his shoulder. "That weird bellbottoms guy," she whispered, on the verge of falling asleep.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"Don't let me go,"  
  
That weird bellbottoms guy smiled and pulled her snugly into his lap, wrapping them both in a blanket thrown over the back of the couch.  
  
"Don't worry, I won't,"  
  
Then, as they fell asleep in each others arms and warmth, a single, silver star burned bright in the sky as it began to snow, and the wind carried a whisper upon the air...  
  
Always carry a jellyfish in your handbag…  
  
**********  
  
REVIEWWWWW!!!!!!!!  
  
If you actually got this far… My God. You have no life. I respect you so greatly. 


End file.
